Desperado
by Koneko-chan9
Summary: k...don't eat me, this is my first fic. It is a song-fic to the song Desperado (more notes on that inside). Basically, Inu-yasha is thinking *gasps* despite this fact, this is a serious fic!! Very little romance, just thought I'd put that in. Please R&R!!


            Ok, everyone! Here we go:

1) This is an unusual fanfic, as it is done to a song by a group that very few people have heard of, called the Eagles. They sing a country-rockish style, and it is good music in my opinion. It has understandable lyrics and good musical properties. Pop, rap, and heavy metal can burn in hell. ^.~

2) The name of this song is Desperado, and it is a favorite of mine. Please, you can be mad at me for my opinions in music, but if you check out the lyrics, they really do apply to Inu-yasha, so don't dis them.

3) I suck at this! I already know that!!! This is my first fic, so don't be too hard on me. Just tell me how to improve!

4) Finally, this is really boring, I'm sure. It is just Inu-yasha remembering things and sorting out his feelings. 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this fic! Don't sue me!!!! 

_Desperado,_

_Why don't you come to your senses?_

_You've been out riding fences for so long now._

Inu-yasha was hidden in the high branches of the Goshinboku  tree, deep in thought. This place was special. It was not a good or bad place; it was a place of memories. Memories of love, betrayal, and hate… It was a place of thought and remembrance. It was the place where he and Kikyo had often talked…had fallen in love…had died…where Kagome had released him…where they all still returned to. Even Kikyo came here often, as Inu-yasha's keen nose told him. He was in this place, escaping reality, living in his memories while waiting for Kagome to return.

_You're hard one._

_But I know that you've got your reasons,_

_These things that are pleasin' you,_

_ can hurt you somehow,_

            He remembered meeting with Kikyo, and speaking sweet words to her. Well, sweet as far as he went, at any rate. Kikyo. The first one to show him kindness. The first one to not hate him for what he was. His true love. 

He thought about that last statement for a minute. There had been love with Kikyo, yes, but…something…something just wasn't right with that statement. He couldn't put his finger on it. Kikyo had… done something to him. Not physically, or with magic. Something deep inside. She had taught him not to push people away. Kikyo had reached him in a way that no one else could. But then came Naraku…and betrayal…and the fragile bond they had formed was destroyed. Naraku had even pointed out how weak that bond had been. But why? Why was it so thin? He knew why. Because of him; him and his reluctance to trust anyone. Kikyo knew that he was wild like that….and never fully trusted him either…not while she had the jewel…

_Don't you try the queen of diamonds, boy, _

_She'll beat you if she's able,_

_You know of hearts is always your best bet,_

            Maybe if they had had more time he would have been tamed. Maybe if there had not been the jewel. But then he would never have known Kikyo, and he would still have been wild… But now that he looked at it, and all the pain that he had caused everyone because she did have the jewel, and he did know her…maybe it would have been worth it, even if he had never known it. The world would have been better if that goddamned jewel had never been created, he knew that for sure. Maybe, when it was completed, that was what he should use it for, He could wish that the jewel had never been created, making sure to say that Midoriko had won the battle of course, not the demon. That would be catastrophic.

            But then, what about Kagome? She, too, had helped him. But she was Kikyo as well, and Naraku still existed…what if it happened again?

_Now it seems to me some fine things,_

_ have been laid upon your table, _

_But you only want the ones you can't get,_

            But really, she wasn't Kikyo. They were so different, especially now. Well, that was to be expected, he guessed, since Kikyo was really just…well, what was she anyways? Urasue had made her out of earth and the ashes of bones, and had originally given her Kagome's soul. But Kagome was strong. She had been able, somehow, despite her lack of a soul and, as Kikyo had painfully proven to him, a lack of miko powers, to take back her soul before Kikyo had destroyed him. She had some…power; a power that was unique to her. Kikyo's body was now ruled, as Urasue had said, by Kikyo's hatred of him. It was not even real hatred….it was the blind rage that she had felt when she had died. The rage that wanted vengeance upon her killer. The real Kikyo would never do that. No, his Kikyo was gone; she would never return. But he still wished that he had her; he wanted, had even tried, to apologize. 

_Desperado,_

_You ain't getting' no younger,_

_Your pain and your hunger,_

_Are drivin' you home!_

            Kikyo was gone…unless he followed her to hell. He was her killer; maybe he owed it to her. But…now there was Kagome. Kagome was so much different than Kikyo. Sure, after she had awakened him, he was cold to her, laughed at her, wished he could kill her. He was alone again. He had woken from a nightmare that was his past. He had finally opened up to someone, finally realized how lonely he had always been. He had reached out, and he had gotten burned. He had been more alone than ever before, the minute the arrow had  pierced his flesh, for it was then that he had realized that there was no hope for forgiveness. The one other being that he had ever trusted, even loved, now hated him so much that she had no regrets in killing him; with that, his heart had been shattered beyond repair, and he cared no longer for others; his heart was hardened.

            Yet…after he was released…he was still hurt. The thought of Kikyo had still burned his memory, and Kagome, being so similar to Kikyo at first, only made it worse.  Of course, the two were completely different. They didn't even look that much alike. Sure they had their moments, like when Kagome dressed like her, but otherwise only their scents were anywhere near the same. Honestly, he thought Sango looked more like Kikyo than Kagome did…At any rate, he had pushed away his feelings then…if no one cared about him, why should he care about anyone else. Yet he was still lonely, even though he hid it.

_And freedom, o freedom!_

_Well that's just something' for talkin',_

_Your prison is walking through this world all alone._

            He would never admit it. No one would be able to tell. He was the strong loner! He needed no one. He could take care of himself. He was….lonely. Very alone. Kikyo had hurt him, he had hurt her, he had hurt others. Now all the humans feared him. Demons had always looked down at him. None respected him for what he was. None except his…friends? Had they really become that? He had tried to keep them away, but they were all special in their own way, and, even though he didn't show it, he respected them all. He wouldn't know what to do if any of them were gone. Even Shippo. He sighed to himself. Fine, especially Shippo. He really liked the little kit.

_Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?_

_The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine._

_It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day!_

They were all united by one quest: to destroy Naraku, retrieve the Shikon no Tama, and avenge loved ones. They all had their own tales, their own sadness. Yet one thing held them all: Kagome. She had a special role for each of them. She was a mother to Shippo, who was orphaned; she was a friend to Sango, who was alone.  To Miroku, she was a big sister, as well as a chaperone. To Myoga, she was the ever-eager pupil. To Kaede, she was the daughter that she had never had. To him…she was a miracle worker. She was healing his heart. She had picked up the pieces of his heart, broken, shattered, destroyed beyond hope, and was slowly putting them together. She was like the light of day to him. He couldn't imagine life without her.

_And you're losin' all your highs and lows,_

_Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away?_

            It hadn't been that way with Kikyo. He just wanted her to be there for him… to always be there to be sympathetic towards his pain. It had been selfish. He had not really loved her. He suddenly understood his feelings for her. She had merely been an understanding ear. He could tell all his troubles to her, and she would understand. When he was tricked he felt rage that she who he had trusted with his deepest pains, sorrows, and feelings had betrayed him. When he learned the truth, he had wanted to help her. He had thought it was because he loved her. He knew that he felt guilty, and that it had been his fault. He had betrayed her, after the compassion that she had shown, the help she had given him. She had been his best friend…but they had been too lonely to realize that that was what they were to each other.

He had told Kagome once about his past. Just a little bit, about how alone he was. Despite his new 'family,' he was still a loner. Until she pointed out that she understood, and that now that he had shared, he wasn't anymore. He would never be again, as long as she would be there for him.

_Desperado,_

_Why don't you come to your senses?_

_Come down from your fences!_

_Open the gate!_

            Kagome was a miracle. She was his miracle. She was… here! 

            "Inu-yasha? I know you're up there! What are you doing?"

            "Keh! None of your business." He was hiding it again.

            "Sheesh. I was just curious because you usually are down here yelling at me as soon as I get out of the well." Ouch. Well, that was pretty true…

            "Inu-yasha, are you ok?"

            "I'm fine. I was just thinking, that's all."

            "Oh, ok. Why, is something wrong? Is that what you were doing in the tree? That must have been some deep thought for you to have not noticed me."

            "So what if it was?" Kagome got a surprised look on her face. Apparently, she expected him to have been sleeping. "What were you thinking about?"

            "None of your business," he replied again.

            "Fine then!" she heaved her huge pack up and went stumbling towards the village in a huff. As an afterthought, she called over her shoulder. "Osuwari!"

            __

_It may be raining,_

_But there's a rainbow above you!_

_You better let somebody love you!_

            He pulled himself up and watched her go. He had pushed her away again. He couldn't help it. Keh! What was he thinking? He was going soft! For his safety, he was a loner. No one would hurt him again. He started off towards the village to go yell at Kagome for sitting him. It had really hurt, due to the fact that he had been standing on tree roots. He would make her feel guilty for sitting him. How dare she. He was going to yell at her until she cried—but he hated seeing her cry…because that meant that he had hurt her… The rosary's spell had worn off, so he sat up. Why should he care? She was just some stupid girl…

_You better let somebody love you,_

_Before it's too…late._

            I have established a fact: I SUCK AT THIS!!!! (please, feel free to agree) Please review, tell me how to improve, and who knows, maybe I will! 

            NOBODY better tell me that the lyrics don't make sense. That would make that person stupid, because there is  deeper meaning behind those words.

            Ok! Review please!

                                    ~~Koneko~~


End file.
